It is hard to learn to be gentle with yourself when you spent decades beating yourself up for things that you didn’t realize you couldn’t help/needed help with because you didn’t know your brain was wired differently, which caused certain things to cause you hardship and anxiety (which you also didn’t know was a thing for you for decades). It is especially hard in light of living in a society which holds the cultural backgrounds of the Puritan Work Ethic™, the Gospel of Wealth (and Health)™, and Anyone Can Achieve the American Dream™ If They Just Try ™. All of which is bullshit, but insidiously deeply ingrained bullshit.
Having entered my 30s, my body/brain has also decided that Daylight Savings Time is also bullshit.
Also capitalism is bullshit, as is for-profit health care (among many other thing that should NOT be run in a for-profit way).
And in a completely different way, winter is also kind of bullshit because there is no good way to do Crafty Things that would involve Lots of Wood Dust, because wood dust and carpet are not great together.
My work schedule has been un-fubared, praise be. This will make the rest of my shift livable, because having that still hanging over me screwed with my anxiety and depression and all of the early part of tonight was Extreme Doom Feels.
“People would be less mentally ill if they had a full-time job and felt Useful™!”
Lady, being seriously mentally ill is a full time job. You know how much effort it takes to not just lie in bed and stare at social media 24/7 when you’re super depressed? The fact someone actually got up, managed to have a shower and make themselves breakfast that consisted of more than just half-stale cereal is fucking great. Good on them, and stfu.
This. So much this.
I have a (part-time) job now, which, while it helps me feel useful and thus lessens that ONE particular issue with my anxiety and depression, does not at all mean that sometimes getting out of bed to go to work isn’t hard af or that I don’t sometimes feel utterly useless at times.
I’m not less mentally ill because I have a job that helps me feel Useful. I’m just a person with depression, anxiety, and a job which sometimes helps/sometimes Does Not Help At All with those two things.
And that’s not getting into the whole “most people with full-time, minimum wage jobs WILL very likely have stressors related to money”, which does not help mental illness at all.
can we just take a moment to recognise mentally ill people who are high functioning?
the ones that constantly question the validity of their illness(es) because they managed to get out of bed this morning/are keeping up with their classes/can still socially interact? because they can do the things that most neurotypicals can do, even if they find it very difficult?
the ones that are questioned by their loved ones on the existence of their disorders? that face constant ableist remarks of “but you can’t be depressed/ill/manic/psychotic/etc!” “you don’t look mentally ill!” “it’s just hormones!” “oh, have you tried yoga?” “you’re just on a journey of finding yourself.” “you’re too happy/too smart to be mentally ill!”
the ones who aren’t taken seriously by their therapists/doctors/psychiatrists because of how self aware they are and how well they can articulate their feelings and thoughts?
the ones that, on their bad days, are told that “others have it worse” just because they don’t outwardly show their symptoms all of the time?
the ones that have their pain and their struggles constantly diminished until they don’t know what is real and what isn’t because of this?
the ones that don’t receive the treatments or correct diagnosis in a short matter of time (or at all) because “they’re not bad enough?”
the ones that end up suicidal or manic or psychotic in hospital with no warning because their illnesses aren’t taken seriously until its too late?
as a high functioning neurodivergent young person suffering from a myriad of different mental health issues, i see you and i hear you and i support you.
Sometimes you’re fine, and then sometimes your depression/anxiety goes, “You don’t even belong on the Island of Misfit Toys.” And then you respond, “Eat an Ativan, you dick.”
Okay so I’m sure you’ve all heard of the quiet place project. Well if not I am going to tell you because it has stopped me from doing serious damage more than once.
This gem right here is where you can literally create a 100% anonymous username and just absolutely spill your guts. Then people can read it and give you advice, and it honestly is so helpful. Because the other people on it are in the same situations as you, and they understand. You can comment and give advice on other peoples posts too, and it’s just really great.
This little beauty is similar to the comfort spot. Except instead of posting your thoughts, you type them into the box and then when you press enter they disappear and turn into stars against the blue sky. There is a whole bunch of different languages to choose from at the start, so if English is not your first language then you can probably find it here. There is the most comforting music that plays in the background as well, which is so great.
Which is so good for panic related things because it silences all of your other tabs and when you make it full screen it talks to you very calmly and then literally forces you stop for just 30 seconds and do nothing and just breathe.
Okay, so this is my actual favourite, it’s called the dawn room
The dawn room is so great for stopping you from self harming. It begins by telling you that its going to be alright, then it asks you to write something about someone you love. After that messages from other people, just like you, appear on the screen, one after the other, and the background slowly become brighter and happier. This page has genuinely stopped me from hurting myself more times than I can count. I’m not suggesting that it will work for everyone, but it is an absolute gem.
This page runs for about 5 minutes, and it is basically a typing simulator that tries to convince you that everything is going to be alright. It is very calming, and good for lonely times.
I can honestly say that this website has done me so so much good. I appreciate it with every bit of my being.
This is how I imagine some conversations with doctors about things insurance wouldn’t want to pay for for me, because one would likely be considered elective, and the extent to which I would want the other to go would be considered cosmetic:
Me: So, I have accepted that I live with anxiety and depression, and I’m doing my best to manage those. But here are a couple of things that would really help lessen some of my anxiety and depression. ::points out procedures::
Dr(s): ::hem and haw, and loooook at me, and maybe use the word “normal”::
Me: To slightly tweak a line from a musical, ‘I don’t give a flying fuck what’s *normal*–I haven’t had a *normal* day in years.’
i know carrie’s death is devastating, and i know we’re all mourning the loss of such a bright soul, but in these dark times please don’t forget what she taught us.
don’t forget that your mental illness doesn’t define you, but it’s not something to be ashamed of, either. don’t forget that you are so much more than it. don’t forget that you are not alone in your fight.
don’t forget that a jewish woman was a princess, and a general, and that she kicked some major ass.
don’t forget that you are beautiful no matter what age, no matter how your body has changed, no matter what unrealistic standards you face.
don’t forget that carrie was so much more than just princess leia. she was an author, activist, mother, friend, inspiration.
don’t forget that carrie would be so, so proud of you, just for being here and for continuing to keep fighting.
Multi-talented star Carrie Fisher was, among many other things, an advice columnist for the Guardian.
In her final column before her death on Tuesday, she offered heartfelt advice to a person living with bipolar disorder who asked the actress how she was able to live through the illness.
“Trying to deal with my mental illness and meet all of my responsibilities at school, work and home feels like a terrible balancing act,” the advice-seeker, identified as Alex, wrote. “Sometimes, I let everything drop. It feels like only a matter of time until the things that I drop shatter irreparably.”
Fisher responded by saying that, by dealing with a bipolar diagnosis at such a young age, Alex was already far ahead of the curve.
Fisher also stressed that Alex needed to find some kind of community of other people living with mental illness.
The actress spoke about her own experiences facing her alcoholism by going to meetings that she didn’t like to attend. She eventually learned that she didn’t have to like them, but she had to go.
“My comfort wasn’t the most important thing — my getting through to the other side of difficult feelings was,” Fisher wrote. “However long it might seem to take and however unfair it might seem, it was my job to do it.”
Fisher said that both she and Alex were facing a “challenging illness,” but there was “no other option than to meet those challenges” and to be an example to others who shared their diagnosis.
“That’s why it’s important to find a community — however small — of other bipolar people to share experiences and find comfort in the similarities,” Fisher said. “You’re ahead of the game. You’re doing more than I did at your age, and that’s courageous.” Read more
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