Tag: kirkwallhellmouth is TIRED

It is hard to learn to be gentle with yourself when you spent decades beating yourself up for things that you didn’t realize you couldn’t help/needed help with because you didn’t know your brain was wired differently, which caused certain things to cause you hardship and anxiety (which you also didn’t know was a thing for you for decades). It is especially hard in light of living in a society which holds the cultural backgrounds of the Puritan Work Ethic™, the Gospel of Wealth (and Health)™, and Anyone Can Achieve the American Dream™ If They Just Try ™. All of which is bullshit, but insidiously deeply ingrained bullshit.

Having entered my 30s, my body/brain has also decided that Daylight Savings Time is also bullshit.

Also capitalism is bullshit, as is for-profit health care (among many other thing that should NOT be run in a for-profit way).

And in a completely different way, winter is also kind of bullshit because there is no good way to do Crafty Things that would involve Lots of Wood Dust, because wood dust and carpet are not great together.

Thoughts:

If you grew up hearing (well-meaning) things like “you can do anything you put your mind to”/”follow your dreams”/”follow your bliss”/”find a job you love and it won’t ever feel like work”–those things are a lot like The American Dream ™. For some people, that works out. But for various reasons, it doesn’t work for others.

Sometimes you figure out that the career you spent years thinking you wanted has some stuff you can’t deal with. Sometimes you find out a job you thought you could be happy in turns into your mental health’s worst nightmare. And sometimes a job you think you can stick with because it has good insurance super changes things up on you and your mental health runs screaming out of the building.

If manage a dream job that works for you that you love and supports your needs, awesome. If that doesn’t work for you, find something that–even if you can’t love it–at least doesn’t make you want to be dead and also hopefully is enough to support your needs (fuck the US economy, health care system, and capitalism, tho, seriously). And that hopefully leaves you with some time to do things you do love, things that make you happy.

That awkward feel when apparently your mom found your Old Spice deodorant that you were kind of hiding because you didn’t want there to end up being a Conversation about it, and now you are wondering if there will end up being a Conversation about hiding it.

And it only got found because you still live at home at 30 because the economy is shit, the job market is shit, that higher paying white-collar job you had for a while fucked over your mental health, shit is expensive in general, and…sigh.

I love my mom. And I never would have survived my teaching job if she hadn’t stayed at my apartment with me. But sometimes living with her is hard 😐