3 Ways to Keep Yourself Safe When You’re Not Ready to Leave Your Abusive Partner

ask-an-mra-anything:

ask-an-mra-anything:

hellyeahscarleteen:

In addition to what’s mentioned in this link, we have some info to help folks make a plan to stay safe when leaving an abusive relationship, and when they can’t leave just yet: The Scarleteen Safety Plan

Seriously, I’ve only been able to skim this article so far, but I definitely plan on reading the whole thing later

If you’re being abused by your partner, and you’re reading this right now, then you have awe-inspiring strength.

You’re suffering, but you have the courage to seek out ideas on how to take care of yourself.

I’m guessing you haven’t come across many tips like these. When I was being abused, the only advice I found was about how to leave an abusive partner, or how to heal after you’ve left.

In this society we sometimes talk about abuse victims being strong after they leave, but frame them as weak before hand. I think that is so wrong. Living in an abusive relationship takes a strength that most people cannot even comprehend. you’re not weak because you stay. there are a million reasons why we stay because, frankly, abusers actively work to keep their victims trapped.

So know that if you’re in an abusive relationship right now as you read this, I think you are strong as fuck, and I am rooting hard as hell for you.

Honestly, if people feel even a little inclined to reblog this, I would appreciate it. I am not trying to guilt anyone, if you don’t reblog I won’t think you’re a horrible person, that’s totally your prerogative… But if these words can help even just one current victim of domestic violence… I would be so happy.

alioninherowncause:

cybrslut:

[TRIGGER WARNING: child sexual abuse, incest]

Lena Dunham’s actual response and justification of her sexually abusing her younger sister. i want to start off by saying that the site that originally posted the accusations is a right wing site, and not very reliable. however, all evidence has come from lena’s own book that she wrote. no one has twisted her words.

Lena wrote that at age 7 she looked up her 1 year old sister’s vagina and found pebbles. for some reason news sites are only reporting on that event and not how lena described how she did “anything a sexual predator might do” to coerce her younger sister in to kissing her for prolonged periods of time and that she even masturbated in bed next to her. “This was within the spectrum of things I did” she wrote, ie she did other things to her sister. This happened over a period of years. For some reason news sites are hardly mentioning and some even leaving out that she tricked her sister in to kissing her and that she would masturbate in bed with her, among other things. they only reported the story from when she was 7. imo that’s twisting the story to portray lena as a curious, ignorant child. however, this wasn’t just one event, this lasted for years. Lena grew up. Lena did this as a preteen. she should’ve known better and shouldn’t be bragging about it now.

Children have innate curiosity about bodies and genitalia, showing privates to each other, touching your body, and kissing isnt abnormal, especially with kids their own age. what is abnormal is for a child, who was somewhere between 7-12* years old to coerce and trick a toddler in to sexual activities and to do so continuously. children can be sexual abusers to other children, and it happens more often than we like to think

that’s not being a weird child, that’s absolutely revolting and wrong. and for her to be proudly telling these stories 20 years later is horrific. to be an adult and proud of the sexual abuse you did to a child is boderline pedophilia imo.

lena has a history of racism, fetishization of lgbt people, and she even outed her sister to her parents, so this is just another thing to add to the list of how she’s a shitty person. now can everyone please stop calling lena dunham a feminist?

*i’m estimating those ages. we know it lasted for years, but not how long, and it started at 7. it could have been a few years or many years, i dont want to overly estimate. however i do want to put emphasis on that she was of an old enough age to know better and the age gap is large at these young ages and puts her in a position of power.

Actual quote from Grace Dunham: , “Without getting into specifics, most of our fights have revolved around my feeling like Lena took her approach to her own personal life and made my personal life her property.”

Grace has implied that this happened throughout her life (and we know that Lena was masturbating in bed with Grace for years, by her comment about ‘puberty’.) Grace has said in interviews and in her poetry that Lena has used her as her own personal journey, as her property- and now she’s essentially been outed (not only as a lesbian, which Lena outed her as to her parents without her permission as well!) but as an abuse survivor to her parents and the whole world. Without her consent.

Fuck Lena Dunham and fuck you if you defend any aspect of this.

stardust-rain:

based on: (x) (x) source: (x)

So, Elementary fandom has talked about gaslighting before, and how it is used in abusive relationships. We’ve seen Irene/Moriarty do this to Sherlock in Elementary, and the same pattern appears in the newly-aired Sherlock with Sherlock and John. This article defines how gaslighting takes several distinct forms most of which can been seen paralleled with Elementary and BBC Sherlock. (Also, if anyone with psychiatric background could weigh in on this, that’d be great.)

1-4: Compartmentalising: Irene fakes her own death, then makes a sudden reappearance a year later, after Sherlock has moved on and formed healthy relationships with other people (Elementary).

Sherlock fakes his own death, makes a sudden reappearance two years later after John has moved on and formed healthy relationships with people (BBC)

5&6 – Denial, Blaming/Deflection, Chronic Invalidation: Sherlock deduces that Irene is working for Moriarty (or at least, not held captive by him as she stated) and thinks she’s lying to him – he gets angry. Irene placates him, saying it’s because he is “seeing things that aren’t there”. (Elementary)

John’s angry at Sherlock for not contacting him for the last two years; Sherlock doesn’t apologise and dismisses John’s anger, explaining that it was because Sherlock didn’t trust him. (BBC)

7&8 Domination: Irene tries to make Sherlock take back his words – when he doesn’t, she replies with “You lied before! You don’t want to come with me, so you’re inventing an excuse not to!”. Then she walks out of Sherlock’s life and makes him think he’s cause of it because in her eyes, he is the just as bad as Moriarty. (Elementary)

John’s angry that Sherlock acts irresponsibly and the bomb is about to go off. Sherlock defuses the bomb in the tube train, but lets John believe that they’re both going to die. Sherlock fakes vulnerability, apologises to John and uses the now-or-never-scenario to make John accept his apology. (BBC)

9&10 Minimalisation: Irene waltzes back into Sherlock’s life, reveals her true identity, and calls Sherlock’s trauma at her death a game. “You’re a game I’ll win every time.” (Elementary)

Sherlock reveals that the bomb had an off switch, and laughs at John’s trauma and fear when he thinks he’s about to die. “Your face, your face! Totally had you!” (BBC)

The most important thing about this, though, is that Elementary portrays it as an abusive relationship and recognises that Moriarty/Sherlock is not in any way a healthy relationship. Meanwhile BBC Sherlock does the complete opposite, which is all kinds of fucked up.

~~I’m going to get hate for this~~

I figured this was the direction BBC Sherlock would go the moment Sherlock said, after being told that John had moved on with his life, “What life? I’ve been away.” To me, that concisely sums up a lot of what I don’t like about the BBC take on the character.